bittersweet memories

if i could have just one more kiss,
just one more taste of your sweet lips,
would it be all it could be,
or just a bittersweet memory?

if i could hold you long and tight,
and take you away just for tonight,
would it last like it should last,
or just be another blink that past?

oh, how i would give about anything,
just to be able to do those things,
to have just one more thought of you,
even if it may be taboo,

just come to my arms and feel secure,
and let your fears become obscure,
and turn those thought of dread and fright,
into those of sheer delight,

become one with me for just a moment,
and let this be your final atonement,
for me just make this last endeavor,
i swear i'll love you for forever...


-Angel
Flores

i'm so tired of it...

i'm so done with clermont. i'm done with all these people bringing their bullshit problems to work, and burdening everyone else at work with them. i'm tired of being told to do shit, when i'm not the only one standing around doing nothing. i'm sick of people who don't know how to tip... lol but anyways...

apparantly the managers think it's funny to make me their bitch every time i stand around for so much as a second. it doesn't even matter if i had washed all the dishes, finished folding boxes or finished answering phones. no, it sure doesn't. cuz for some reason, i'm still standing there, after doing other people's bitch work, i'm still being idle. what bullshit. i also find it quite humorous that the people at work like to take their problems with them to work,and display them for everyone, thus taking it out on the employees, especially me. my parents are probably getting divorced... but nobody knows that because when i come to work, i don't act any differently than any other day. then why can't they just act like that. work is not meant to be a personal counseling session or anything, nobody is supposed to know what is going on in each other's lives, or how badly they all have it. frankly, i really couldn't care less.. all i want is to go in there, drive and be done with it, but no, not at all, thats never how it works. i go in there, work, get bitched at and told to work more, and therefore do work more, and then get bitched at for more shit that i can't really control...

the above is the reason why i'm implementing my fullproof, "angel doesn't give a shit about u anymore" plan. this plan is where angel walks into work, completely emotionless, and does nothing to anyone. angel will simply do his work, and go home. angel will not do favors for anyone else, and no favors will be expected from anyone, and angel will no longer be anyone's bitch. no more, angel can you stay later? angel, can you cover my shift? angel can you lick my ass? yeah... none of that anymore.. i'm done with it, it pisses me off how people can ask soo god damn much from me, and then give absolutely frickin nothing in return. it really irks me how i help out the managers so god damn much and they still bitch at me for the shit that i don't do. i am working on wed. even tho it's supposed to be a late day for me, i'm coming in at 10.00 just for my GM. FUCK THAT, i'm not doing that anymre. i stayed an hour late at work today, just to hear my manager bitch me out. yay... fuck them... i'm so tired of stupid fuckin clermont drama. who cares if your car broke down, or if you're having problems at home? don't bring them to fuckin work. that is not the place, nor is it the time to be taking it out on people...

i've decided i'm going to ignore everyoen at work... not just one person, not just certain people... everyone... i will talk to, interact with, joke with, anything with anyone there anymore.. i am just gonna go in, chill out, and go home. work my hours and nobody else's. and that's that.

i'm out,
-tr4g3

3 o clock, and i just can't...

it's 3 o'clock and i just can't... i can't get her out of my mind. this amazing person that just seems to be eternally stuck in my head, causing an eerie bliss... my eyes can't stay open, and yet i can't sleep. i yearn for the peace that is slumber, and yet i know it won't come. not yet... i await the time when i can be with this girl again, but alas, she is not available.

i want so badly to scream her name, to have her respond for just a second... to just feel her nails down my back once more, and to have her in my arms again. i want so badly to just tell her to come away with me when i leave for tampa, for her to just leave and live with me in my new place. i want to know that all the potential she once had is not wasted, that she'll be okay, and that in the end, she'll be with me. but i don't know about that either. i'm not the person i used to be, and i admit that. if i'm better or worse is not my call, and i refuse to make it so. i don't know how i am anymore, so lost in the void between college and school. i just feel so empty, for the first time in my life, i feel like i have no purpose. i want to take this down time to rethink my life, and what i could be, and i find myself so utterly confused... it's like a gauntlet of decisions, and i can't decipher the right now to save myself. i feel myself being sucked into this eternal hole of indecision and uncertainty and it's utterly chaotic.

i know waht i want. but what i want is so much, so demanding of someone who doesn't even know i exsist. it's like, no matter what i want, i can't ask it, because it is so extremely selfish.

on a lighter note, i'm attempting to write a children's book. whether or not that will get off the ground is yet another uncertainty.. i might not even go through with it. i don't know anymore. i feel.... obsolete... like i can't function...

back when i was with this girl, i felt so complete, like i could take on the world, move mountains, do anything with her. i felt so safe, and for the first time, accepted. now that she's gone, and has been gone for quite some time now, i find myself without an identity, without any defining feature. it's scary. after all this time, i still feel lost, when i should have gained some ground on my life... maybe it'll all change when i go to college. i hope so. with my job now, i find alot of time to just sit back and think, and in thinking, i find myself thinking of her. of how she looked, how she kissed, everything, i can remember every detail about her. her sweet smell, her gentle sighs, her soft lips... wow... i'm stupid.. lol

but anyways, i think i'm going crazy, or slowly falling into the palm of masked depression. maybe i should do somethign about it. it's so easy to create a facade for people, to put on a smile and say "have a nice day!" when deep down i'm just wishing for the soft kiss of death to strike my lips. i think that i need to do more with myself or something... i don't know... maybe i'm just a stupid emokid still... we'll find out sometime, i guess, i hope something spectacular happens soon.... i really do...

-tr4g3