revelations...

i think that i've just had a revelation.... i dunno tho. here i am, angel flores, training to be a firefighter. but i realized, that in my training, i've never felt better.

i've almost completely stopped partying, stopped drinking, stopped everything bad for me. i've been maxing myself out every time i work out, repping myself out every time, and at the same time, feeling great. i mean, sure, going to work and not being able to hold a pizza is annoying, but i feel proud of myself for some reason. i no longer look in the mirror and wonder what i'm doing to myself. i know now what it is. i no longer see a useless bum staring back at me. i see someone with potential, and i'm starting to uncover it. granted, i haven't even come close to uncovering it, but i'm getting there, and what's great is that i have people backing me up.

my friends, i dont' know what i'd do without them. they are behind me 100% of the way. i mean, everytime i want to go work out, they're right there. my father, he's a firefighter already, and in peak physical condition. he even gave me his blessings, and said that if it is something that i wanted to pursue, that he'd help me all of the way. the support is overwhelming. i just hope i can keep it up. i know that i've promised myself alot, but this is one promise i really really want to keep.

i realized that through training to be a firefighter, i am doing something healthy for myself. i am bringing my body up to where it should be. and i know that being a firefighter is something i really want to be. i mean, it's pretty much my calling. i get to save lives, be adventerous, and have variety. it's the perfect job for me...

i just hope i can make it...

later days,
-tr4g3

love conquers all...

love conquers all, but it all conquers me,
love entraps my soul, crushing who i want to be,
love takes me away, into a place alone,
love gives me nothingness, something i can't condone,

love gives me passion, a reason to live today,
love gives me desire, a reason to want to stay,
love gives me hope, a beacon among the dark,
and love gives me you, and you give me life's spark,

love gives me all of these, all at one time,
love can kill or make me, the feeling near sublime,
love cannot exsist alone, it must be fueled by two,
and that is why you love me, and why i'm loving you,

you love me yet say nothing, the pain tearing at my soul,
you love me yet you look away, as you watch me lose control,
you hate to say you love me, yet it's all that you can say,
and i hate to be doing this, but i stopped loving you today....

Angel
Flores


whoa, that's a fucked up poem... oh well, i dunnno what that was about...

anyways, i think i'm gonna be a firefighter... save lives while risking my own. i've always wanted to do that. ya no? to go out and run into a burning building, or hang from a blazing rooftop, to be able to hold someoen in my arms and feel important for just that fleeting second. to be able to give all of myself to someone who needs me, not someone who takes me for granted. i think that's what i'm gonna do. i'm gonna become a firefigheter. my dad is one, and he loves it. i can only imagine. the feeling you get from savign a life, or even from putting out a fire... it must be amazing..

i think that's what i'm gonna do with myself.. i think i think i hope.... okay

i'm out for now... peace guys

-tr4g3